so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
