So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
