phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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