i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
