p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
