i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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