the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
