Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
