he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
