Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
organizing the empties. That sober.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
