i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
