After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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