Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
