Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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