theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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