are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
