Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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