apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
