The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
