FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
