when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
