I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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