woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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