I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
