Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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