you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
