I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
