Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
