Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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