Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
