My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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