the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
