I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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