thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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