Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
