Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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