U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
