i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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