So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
