At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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