Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
