glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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