Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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