Me too!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
