Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
