is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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