Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
