i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
