i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
