Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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