he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
