Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
