we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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