you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
