I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
