Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize