Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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