Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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