I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
