but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
