(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
