she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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