I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're too hungover to prance.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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