Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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