my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
