So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
