I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
