do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
