Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

Fav 4 2540 1663
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(360): View more from Washington

Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

(903): View more from Texas

Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

Fav 6 2737 910
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(917): View more from New York City

No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

Fav 3 1830 1003
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.

Fav 6 1618 986
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(256): View more from Alabama

this hospital has no fireball

Fav 4 785 568
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(972): View more from Texas

If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.

Fav 0 750 436
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.

Fav 1 8 32
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(307): View more from Wyoming

You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.

Fav 0 43 6
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